Love without Borders 

Here, on our first anniversary, we decided to celebrate at home. We both have jobs that require us to be on the road most of the time, and the chance to be at home, no matter where that is, is always something we treasure.

Because Irene’s work keeps her extremely busy, Zhou Yibing is home more, and is usually responsible for dropping off and picking up their daughters at school. He says it’s already impossible for him to sleep in: he wakes up every day at 6:30. Their older daughter, Anna, is currently studying at a French middle school. From the time that she was very young, she liked to make the gifts that she gave her parents on holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. In this footage, Anna, is making a gift for her mother, who is due to return from a business trip this evening. She likes to prepare a surprise for her mom after each trip. Here, she is preparing to draw a picture and pair it with a cut flower. Anna said that she values the ability to tell her mother about stories from school and get her mother’s opinions on them. She says she goes to her father for permission to do fun things and go out with friends, as it is more likely that he will say yes.

Both parents take a fairly strict approach to their children’s education. For example, bedtime on weeknights is a strict 8 o’clock, the girls can only watch tv on weekends, the girls are not allowed to eat between meals, and their meager allowance is earned by doing specific tasks around the house. But these measures seem to have been beneficial to the girls: they both play the piano and enjoy creating artwork; Melanie is a good dancer, and Anna has won awards in karate. (25 seconds）

Both Yibing and Irene say that international marriages are the same as any other marriage, it’s just that in China right now international marriages probably receive more attention.

Zhou Yibing gives an example of a way in which his wife’s cultural background has changed his thinking as the discussion of bringing a housekeeper into their home. At the time, Irene said that no matter what, the housekeeper should be given a good package, including a good salary and more time off than is usual in Shanghai. To most Chinese people, this kind of thinking is ludicrous. Prior to that time, he thought that a housekeeper should never be offered more than the industry average, and time off was an unheard-of luxury! But time proved that his wife’s thinking was right: if the family treats the housekeeper well, the housekeeper is better able to provide good service to the family.

Communication, like language itself, is another area where international couples face different challenges. There is the period of adjustment where couples learn about the humor of the other side’s culture, and fine points like sarcasm invariably cause misunderstandings at some point. But for my husband and me, the option of communicating in two different languages is a great gift. Because of the different metaphors, idioms, and cultural traditions of each language, we find there are some things that can be expressed so much more accurately in one language, and having this option for communicating makes it seem as though we have twice as many tools for communication. And because a non-native speaker is bound, at some point, to say something differently from the way a native speaker might, we find ourselves listening more closely and thinking more about what one another says than we might if we both had the same native language. So far, this only seems to have helped us.

One of the Zhou family’s favorite leisure activities is spending time with friends, and many of their friends are also international families.

Because both families have multi-cultural backgrounds, they naturally have more things in common and more things to talk about. When I asked them how cultural differences affect their marriages, they all agreed that at this point, there wasn’t much of a cultural difference. Zhou Yibing said, “many Europeans enjoy a good sample of Chinese calligraphy; in the same way, many Chinese people appreciate European-style artwork.” His wife also believes that the most important thing in the end is the personalities of both people involved, and whether or not they are willing to think and act on behalf of the other person.

In the middle, there might still be some lifestyle habits that differ and need to be resolved. For example, Irene might find the prospect of eating fermented tofu – a Chinese favorite – to be incomprehensible. On the other hand, Zhou Yibing may never be able to really enjoy eating cheese. On these matters, they compromise. During shared meals, Zhou Yibing can stick to Chinese food and Irene can eat Western food.

There are always going to be conflicts in life, and life itself is in the resolution of these conflicts.

Nighttime is the most exciting time along West Street. Alf and Mingfang also become busier around this time. Because they have so many friends, foreign and Chinese alike, and because Alf is constantly thinking of new activities for the bar to engage in – such as the Trivia Night taking place here – and advertising the bar on the internet, the bar is doing amazing business.

I remember when I asked them about any cultural differences they face, they both said, “cultural differences are definitely not the main issues we face. To make any marriage work, you have to see if two people’s personalities match up, and the differences between a Shanghai person and a Beijing person, for example, might be no different than the personality differences that we face.

Editor:Hu  Source:CCTV.com